Academic Dean Don Revere sings this song to his friend Fada, in a bar in the afternoon. Don is drinking himself into a state of bravado, for he has decided the only course for saving his career and his marriage is to risk everything through utter self-denigration as a form of showing contempt for the university's decision to pull the funding for a great academic prize that has already been announced to its brilliant but impoverished student winner, in favor of a celebrity professor who demands funding beyond monies provided in his already rich contract. Don has been given to believe that the celebrity professor has declared that if he must pay his assistant's salary out of his own funding, he will not sign the deal that will put Barnyard University on the lofty footing of its academic rivals.
Dean Don hopes that his planned outrageous display of disdain for conventionality will also restore his standing in the eyes of his wife, Kate, who has abandoned their home in disgust at what she perceives to be his compromised honor.
The good Dean has decided that getting good and drunk in this most public and shameful manner -- and, instead of giving the expected speech of approval -- to sing this song of derring-do at the gala dinner and symposium where the award of the purloined grant money will be committed to funding for someone who didn't even apply for the grant.
All in all, the applications and award process was an onerous and rigorous process that required hundreds of students world-wide to share their research projects and provide references and recommendations from colleagues and professors -- a process which entailed thousands of hours of effort all in what now seems betrayed hopes of competing fairly and winning the prize.
Don's friend Fada is, of course, shocked and dismayed at the prospect, and devises his own campaign that he hopes will circumvent the impending disaster before his friend's marriage and various and sundry professional and romantic entanglements all come crashing down on them both.
Want to play along?
Get the lead sheet and you can practice "Admiral Farragut's Camp Song," put your own vocal or instrument solo on this version, or do your own arrangement. You don't have to use the same order of verses shown here. I don't, so why should you? : ) Or why not try your hand at lyrics and write your own verses? It's easy and fun.
You can participate. Don't just fancy yourself a performer. Put some spit on it, and get it out there. You'll be glad you did.
|To honor our democratic elections, and to honor our honor itself, the style should roll along, con brio, in the spirit of the admiral|
The Admiral Farragut Campaign Song
© 2006-2011 by Cass von Braun, all rights reserved
When the teeth of the gale wind so mighty
Found the candidates winging it blindly
Oh, so were we!
All the pundits have weighed in so pithy
"You may only pick one and stick with it!"
But, oh, so say we!
Even without a hope or prayer
We're going to get from here to there
"Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!"
Said the admiral, Admiral Farragut
It was forbidden to sing about the admiral
Without a rolling deck, a pipe and a farrago
But, Oh! So have we
Like our brothers with fate so watery
And our drown-ed fair sister Tecumseh
Oh, so are we
All the wisdom we fain would remember
As it came down from Howie's bartender
Oh, so were we
And so we proceed with election
And sail in another direction
Oh, so may we
In the corridors of power strut some maniacs
All their wrangling brews strong aphrodesiacs
Inquiring minds want to know
Was it about just a common old perv or
An egghead in a patriotic fervor
On with the show
Who really could give a Fig Newton
This hoisting up on your bright piton
Eh, oh, not me
Keep playing the smartypants card
You'll end hoisted on your own pitard
And, oh, so may you be!